This post is for any woman out there struggling to make new friends or overwhelmed with a history of trust issues.
In the past, I had a tendency to have trust issues with female friends. I didn’t mean to. It's just that I have a history of being burned.
We know that women can be mean, competitive, and flat out hurtful. Especially jealous ones.
And if I were to trace back to when this behavior began, I would have to say high school. A very hurtful situation happened and I will not bore you with the details. But I will say ever since that moment, I have had the habit of keeping females at arm’s length.
On that day when I was hurt, another brick was placed along the hand built walls that I was building around myself.
And to be honest, that is how I functioned for a while.
Each hurt I faced, I added another brick to the wall I was building around myself. And soon that wall grew taller and stronger.
I became the woman who said, “I have more guy friends, because females are just filled with drama.” I was terrified to have a lot of close female friends.
And because of this, I missed many opportunities to develop close relationships with other incredible women.
Because the truth is, yes the walls keep the bad people out, but they also keep away the good ones.
So I want to write to you today to challenge your way of thinking if you have this tendency.
Yes, women can be shady… And yes, they do hurtful things. But Sis, there are also women out there who genuinely care about one another (I have found, they exist primarily in the household of faith)...
And when we build walls around ourselves, we are denying the chance at long lasting relationships. We are missing out on authentic, God given relationships.
If you have been hurt before, I will say to make sure to take time to dig up old wounds and heal from them because I have learned if you do not heal from old wounds, you’ll bleed on those who did not cut you.
To properly heal an wound, sometimes you have debride dead tissue, and start with a new, vulnerable foundation. It is the key to healing from the inside.
Sometimes we have to Debride anger and resentment from our lives, so we can start fresh and bring old hurts into new friendships.
Having had the past few years to start fresh from a place of forgiveness and love, I can honestly say that it has been totally worth it. Allowing people back in, especially female friends, has been a total blessing.
Although it is somewhat terrifying to let people close again, I am so thankful I did because I have gained so many incredible relationships. A huge shout out to my friend Brittany, who has blessed me with an incredible, biblical friendship. You have shown me what it means to grow in the faith together. You encourage and listen and challenge my way of thinking. And for that I am so thankful.
All that to say, If you currently find yourself feeling like every woman is shady, I want to encourage you challenge your way of thinking and reach out to new ones. Give them a chance.
If you need help, we have an online Facebook group called “Refined.” It was established in hopes to help women create relationships while growing together while they study their bibles!
I refuse to be the woman that misses out on deep friendships. I refuse to be the woman that talks bad about other women. I refuse to be the woman who keeps others at arm’s length. I choose so strive after authentic relationships, and I choose to live a life being vulnerable, with arms wide open ready to be there for whoever needs me and I hope to encourage you to do the same.
Because the fact is, Jesus does not allow me to live a life behind walls when I choose to serve Him. And in order to exhort each other day after day so we don’t fall into the deceitfulness of sin (Heb. 3:13) we have to be able to have conversations that go beyond the weather and politics. In order to pray for one another, we need to be able to reveal our struggles, maybe not specifics, but at least enough to know that one of us is struggling (Gal. 6:1-2). In order to rejoice and or weep with one another we need to know what is going on with each other (Rom. 12:15).
Im writing this to show you there is a better way. A way to pursue deeper friendships.
I hope by reading this, it helps you escape those hand built walls. I hope this encourages you to take down those walls, and take inventory of your relationships and pursue Christian friendships rather than simply acquaintances.